Bleak
by gem1n1
Summary: After escaping from a prison can Lorne and Parrish make it home? Or will a world of dust and dirt claim their lives?


Today should have been the start of his trip back to Earth. That's if he had got his days right. His watch had stopped working properly after the first two weeks after it had been stamped on and that had been at least two months ago. Judging the days by the red sun on this planet was hard. The days seemed shorter but he couldn't be sure. Looking around at the dusty dirt plain in front of them he wasn't sure whether they were better off out here or in the prison. There was nothing to be seen for miles in any direction except a few rocky outcrops scattered around and even they were becoming few and far between.

But it had been hell in the prison. Their tiny, dirt ridden cell had barely had room for one let alone three and when the other man had died hunched up in the corner it had gotten unbearable. Shielding himself and Parrish as far away as possible from him they had spent their time pressed against the iron barred door listening to the noises around them.

The days were filled with heavy booted feet stomping up and down the halls, never ending screams from the floor above echoing down the passages and hallways. The nights were filled with chants and prayers, tears from the broken people that surrounded them. He had fought hard not to let them filter into his mind but after weeks of it never ending he had felt his iron grip slipping.

They had never come for them. Never tried to pry whatever information they wanted out of them through force or coercion. That had been disconcerting in and of itself.

Hearing Parrish's harsh voice say something he slipped out of his reverie looking in the direction he spoke of. Seeing the plant that he was referring to they changed direction, heading over that way. They knelt behind a rock careful to stay as hidden as much as they could. Keeping watch whilst Parrish dug he realised just how much the man had kept them alive the passed few days. He may not be the most combat aware person in the galaxy, having gotten himself into more trouble than he could count, but right now his expertise had found them water and a source of food several times from things he would have easily overlooked.

Looking at the small sack at the bottom of the twiggy looking plant held tightly in his hand he raised an eyebrow at Parrish. When the man smirked he held up his hands in a mock surrender eliciting a slight chuckle from him followed by a harsh dry cough that almost doubled the man over. Leaning heavily on the rock Parrish heaved in a few breaths spluttering out dust and grime. As time wore on Parrish was looking more emaciated. The man barely had anything on him to start with but given the fact they were lucky to eat once every couple of days after miles of walking in a dry, harsh environment, things were getting desperate for him.

He knew he wasn't much better off. The twisting pain of hunger was becoming more and more unbearable but he was built differently to Parrish. With more muscle he knew his body could withstand more than the doctor but even he was struggling now. The dizzy spells were coming closer together clouding his mind and his judgement, the weakness in his body becoming a constant distraction.

Calculating in his head how far they had travelled he hoped they were heading somewhere. The few bits he had seen when they were brought here suggested this direction but he knew if he was off just the smallest amount they would be miles off target and given how long they had been out here they would only last a couple more days at the most. With no landmarks or any other defining features in the landscape it was hard to tell if he was right.

Running his hands through his hair he felt the murky stickiness cling to his hands. Wiping them roughly on his canvas covered legs he took the small sack from Parrish drinking down what was left of the water before tossing it down against the rock. It was barely enough to wet his mouth but it washed away the dust leaving a sickly, sweet tinge on his tongue. Licking his dry, chapped lips he rose up slowly feeling a heavy creak in his knees as he straightened. As Parrish staggered up beside him leaning heavily on the rocks they shared a tired look. He knew his will was border line now his shoulders slumped with the heavy weight of effort. He shared the feeling but taking a deep breath he filled his lungs to the brink ignoring the tickle of the dry air on his throat.

Together they headed off again a dusty trail kicking up behind them. There was no cover for them now meaning they were easy to spot but he knew that needs must. Thankfully they had only seen faint hints of people looking for them and they had been some time ago now. Keeping the pace slow for Parrish's sake as much as his own they made their way steadily towards a hoped destination. His feet ached. In truth all of him ached but each time he took a step the hot, dry earth pushed harder into his bare feet, grinding the pain further into the bone. Whether the heat in his feet was from the earth burning into him or the hard red sun above he wasn't sure but he could feel the pin pricks of the heat blistering his skin even as the sun was starting to descend.

Shielding his eyes he looked to the sun noticing the day here was quickly getting away from them. With only a few hours left until night came they had to find some sort of shelter from the night's chill. Stopping he had to catch Parrish as he almost walked into him. Shielding his eyes again he searched the horizon finding another outcrop that remained close to their path. Pointing it out to Parrish he offered a small nod as acknowledgement grudgingly starting move. As they headed off he knew that with their present pace they would barely make it before nightfall came but watching Parrish virtually dragging his feet in order to keep moving he knew there was no hope of quickening their steps.

Stopping every now and then they managed to collect a little dried plant life that would burn easily. They were nothing more than a few twigs, most barely worth recognition but here he had learned that something was better than nothing. As the darkness crept in he was satisfied that they had almost reached the crop before the full darkness. Parrish practically tumbled to the ground as he tried to lower himself down his back sliding against a rock with a wince. Crouching down he pulled from his training desperately trying to get them a fire going whilst he could still see but with his limited supplies it was beyond difficult.

With the small fire lit they sat together leaning their backs on the outcrop. The small fire crackling in front of them gave them the faintest hint of light in the long stretch of darkness. With no visible predators here he had felt slightly safe allowing himself a few hours rest whilst Parrish kept watch but in the past few nights it had become harder to wake him from his slumber, his exhaustion becoming deeper. Finding himself going against everything he knew he would slip into a restless slumber beside him for a little while waking as the sun rose. Even then the weariness was becoming too much to bear, his body seeming to become heavier by each day.

There were times when he wasn't sure he could believe his eyes convinced the hunger and thirst were warping his mind. The never ending nothing seemed imprinted in his waking and sleeping mind. Many times he had convinced himself that they were walking in circles but nothing ever looked the same and at the same time everything did.

As his eye lids began to slip shut he looked over to Parrish finding the doctor already asleep, his head lolled forward resting against his chest. Watching his chest for a few moments he let out the breath he had held when he managed to finally see the small movement of his breathing. Settling back against the rock he scanned the small part of the night he could see. With no sight or sound or anything other than his own breathing he relaxed just a touch allowing himself a brief respite. Tossing another small dried bush like plant onto the fire making the flames flare as ithe fire swallowed it up he urged his body to let go of the biting pain in his gut. The tired ache in his mind was pushing him to sleep but he pushed back trying to keep awake. Not able to fight anymore he let his eyes close letting the restless slumber claim him once again.

Tonight he dreamt of darkness but it was softer somehow. Instead of a harsh, chilly hand gripping him it was like a warm, soft blanket. He heard a voice, distant and murmured but he knew the voice. He took strength from it even without hearing the words. There was a presence with him, the ghost of a touch on his hand then more words but he couldn't understand them. They seemed garbled and smothered but they pulled and tugged at him pulling him awake.

Feeling something hit his face his eyes opened instantly darting around. Shooting up to a crouched position he searched around him seeing nothing but dirt and dust in the early morning light. Reaching up to his face he touched his cheek finding it damp. Looking at his hand he stared at the wet spot. It took a few moments for his brain to wake up to what was he was seeing. As his eyes wandered up he saw the most glorious sight: rain clouds. Shaking Parrish awake he would have laughed at the bleary eyed reaction until the man looked up to where he was pointing his face lighting up as he began to scramble up. Pulling out a make shift cup they had they sat themselves down watching the sky waiting for it to open.

When the rain fell it was gentle almost relaxing, its slightly cool nature soothing their aching skin. Scrubbing away what dirt they could they could have almost laughed at themselves had the heavy pain of hunger not been so crippling. Pouring some water into the plant sack they had they drank heartily from their cup relishing the coolness against their dry throats. Sitting back he let the water run down his face, his blistering skin numbing under its touch.

Holding the cup steady in his palm they headed out continuing on their trek still collecting what rain they could. The rain was making the ground slippery, the water sitting atop the murky sludge it was creating. Steadying Parrish again after a tumble he allowed them to pause for a moment as he looked around. They had been walking for hours but it didn't feel it. Their clothes were sticking to them now soaked through from the rain. It had become so heavy they could barely see where they were going or where they had come from. The rain came down in sheets surrounding them like a thick grey fog.

"Rest for a minute," he muttered watching Parrish's face as the words sank in. They both drank the water they had collected enjoying every last drop. Wiping the water from his face he looked around them again turning in a circle as he scanned his surroundings more fully. Seeing something hazy through the rain he nudged Parrish with his foot. Watching it for a brief moment he found himself reaching for his side arm his hand faltering when he realised it was not there. Heading over each step was cautious but quick, the sludge sinking between his toes as he moved. Seeing a large hazy grey outline through the rain he began to hope and pray it was what he thought it was.

The heavy thud beside him made him turn sharply his foot slipping in the mud. Laid face down in the water, Parrish was deathly still. Closing the gap in a few quick strides he turned him over finding him teetering on the edge of unconsciousness his eyes rolling around in his head.

"Stay awake. Come on I need you to stay awake for me. Come on Parrish!" Shouting at him he lapped his face a little harder desperation fuelling the urge to carry on to reach home. Lifting him slowly to his feet he held him up at his side practically pulling him along with each step he took. Staggering he nearly lost his footing as the man's weight pulled against his already weak body. Slipping and sliding in the mud he fought to stay upright, each step making the grey mass clearer and clearer.

He could have cried when he saw the Stargate looming up out of the ground. Even basked in the grey of the rain it looked like heaven to him. Searching the area he found the DHD just a short way away. As he reached it he slowly put Parrish down sitting him beside him against the DHD as his eyes scoured the device searching for any hint of damage. He reached out about to dial home when he realised they wouldn't get passed the shield. Banging his hands down in frustration he wracked his brain trying to remember any gate address but was coming up with a blur of missions and reports. Finding nothing he thought about gates he knew he would find a way home from. He knew there was the alpha site but he couldn't remember where it was only remembering the naked trees that surrounded it. Thinking of New Athos he could only remembered half the address. Rubbing his face in frustration he looked at the symbols in front of him. They were so close and now he was going to fail them both.

Slipping down to sit beside Parrish he leaned all his weight into the device letting another failure engrave onto his soul. He'd had so many since he had come to Atlantis he was beginning to doubt himself; beginning to doubt whether he was more of a burden to the people he served with. They would never tell him, Sheppard would never tell him he was a failure. After he had let Teyla be taken so long ago Sheppard had tried to dispel his guilt. Even with him saying nothing about it he knew the man carried his own guilt over a loss.

Parrish moaned beside him the sound breathy and whispered. His head rocked for a moment but then stilled. He looked at him staring at him sealing the look of him right now into his mind. He was too weak now. They both were too weak to stand, to walk, he had to will himself to take each breath. As Parrish's breathing became slower and slower he watched him. He watched the life seep away from his team mate, his friend, knowing that he would follow close behind carrying the guilt of another. If he could take his place right now he probably wouldn't letting the man take the peaceful route onto whatever came next, if anything came next. This way he could do one last thing for him letting him go without him knowing about it.

The rain continued to fall only it didn't seem to be touching him anymore. As the sky darkened around him and the rain seemed to disappear from sight he felt the coldness touch his skin but he didn't react. He could only sit there staring out from the DHD his body slowly sliding down in the thick sludge. There was no way to stop himself, no strength to move his arms and lift himself back up. His legs wouldn't move. Every time he tried they felt heavier and heavier until the thought of moving them was too much.

When he was laid on his back the swirling grey and black sky above him he had one thought, one wish. He wanted to hear the one voice that would make him smile, that would make him forget him not protecting everyone around him, even her. He wanted to see her without the animal scratches to her chest and arm, without the pain etched on her face. All he wanted was that smile back. As the image of the attack on the camp came into his mind he played it over not remembering anything beyond seeing one of the beasts pounce on him. He could see Parrish and Merry on the ground blood pouring from them and then the gnarly teeth, the putrid breath on his face then nothing.

Fighting the fog that surrounded him he tried to understand where he was. He couldn't see Parrish anymore the fog too close almost suffocating him. The swirling grey above him stopped for a brief moment before starting again a strange sound reaching his ears. He wasn't sure what it was until he heard it again. A sniffle, he was sure of it. An all too familiar sniffle that belonged to someone he had watched die. There it was again making his ear twitched once, twice, three times. His frozen body drifted away, a small patch of warmth at his heart overwhelming him. His heart was slowing encompassed in the warmth. It knew the feeling having felt it before, having felt the care and the passion wrapping it safely. Merry.

Staring into the darkness that was swallowing him he searched for a sign but found none. As his body slipped away from the warmth into the never-ending his eyes slipped closed.

"I need you to come home. Please come back to me." The voice was clear at his ear, the emotion tearing into his heart pushing it harder and harder. There was a tingle in his arms and then his hands. It took everything he had to clench his fist loosely but it was something. Rolling himself over the dead weight of his legs swinging over with a heavy thump he stared at the dark grey object in front of him. "Please Evan." The whisper of a touch against his cheek was followed by a warm trail running to his ear.

There was nothing there but he had felt it. Staring at the empty space where he had put Parrish, where he had watched his friend die, it just didn't make sense. Nothing made sense but he knew where the answer would be. Gritting his teeth, burying the scream as he pulled his legs under him he tried to crawl back to the DHD. His hands slipped in the sludge crashing him down but he pushed back up arms trembling with the effort. As he reached the device he placed his slippery hands on the edge determined to stand. Onto his knees and then one foot to the other he urged himself up gripping the edge of the DHD like it was a life line. One leg buckled slamming his knee down into the mud his chin grazing the edge as his body slid down.

"Get up Evan! Get your ass into gear and dial the damn address!" His voice was a hoarse growl that echoed inside his head. Pushing his hands down he slid his leg back the feeling nothing more than dead weight dragging through the grime. Working on their own his hands dialled an address one by one, the shimmering blue staring at him before he realised what he had done. Looking at the space between him and the gate he wasn't sure how he would do it but he knew he had to try.

Holding the far edge he pulled his legs around their limp gait telling him there was no chance he was walking through the gate. Letting go he let himself fall, his hands slipping sending him sprawling into the mud. Face down feeling a weight come down on him he felt air push into his lungs lifting his chest up. It was just enough to get his hands underneath his chest allowing him to slide. Knowing how slippery the stuff was he would use it to his advantage as best he could. Inch by inch he slid virtually dragging his limp body as much as he could.

He was almost there when he lost his last bit of control. His heart should have been pounding but it had slowed the thump barely felt in his chest. All he could feel now was the air pushing into his chest. It was a strange feeling when the rest of his body was so lifeless, when raising his head seemed like a mountain. Steady and even his chest continued to rise and fall the breath full. Seeing the blue just in front of his eyes he wanted to just reach forward and touch it, to know he had made it after all. But it wouldn't be enough. He would want more. He wanted more. He wanted to stand up and take that step through, to emerge on the other side just one more trip away from home where he could have an uncomfortable bed in the infirmary, where his ass could fall asleep as he tried to find something to do. He wanted, he wanted Christmas Eve all over again. And the morning after and every little second he had that made him happy from that point onwards.

Watching the blue shimmer in front of him for a breath, then two he waited until his chest filled again then fingers on the rough, wet stone he dragged his body through pushing the air out welcoming the full body tingle he had taken for granted so long ago.

As he opened his eyes the light blinding him for a second he listened. There were a thousand noises surrounding him . Beeps, clangs, whispers but it was the humming in the back of his mind that made his mouth twitch: he was home. He made it home.


End file.
